Should I Break Up with My Therapist?

What to Do When Your Therapist Kind of Sucks

Therapy is one of the few places in life that’s supposed to be all about you. While it is a professional health care service, at its core, it might be understood as a different sort of relationship. Unlike that with friends and family, it’s one in which one person’s experiences (yours, if you’re the client) are centered. So what happens when you leave therapy sessions feeling unseen, unheard—or worse, hurt?

First, take a breath. If you’re wondering whether to end things with your therapist, you’re not alone. It’s a common question in Reddit threads, Facebook groups, and the corners of the internet where peers turn to one another and ask, “What do I do?” 

The thing about relationships, including therapy, is—they’re made up of two human beings with their own nervous systems, communication styles, histories, and blind spots. That means sometimes things get messy. As is the nature of messy relationships, —sometimes they don’t get repaired.

Here’s how to think through whether it’s time to move on—and what your options are if your therapist isn’t the right fit.

Is This a New Relationship?

If you’ve only had a session or two, it might be worth asking:

• Do I feel like this therapist gets me—or is trying to?

• Do I feel safe being myself here? 

• Do I leave feeling clearer, or more confused?

• Is this just awkward (because therapy is often weird at first)? Or does it feel off?

It’s okay to shop around for a therapist, and trust takes time to develop. You don’t owe a therapist your loyalty simply because you started filling out their intake form or met with them for a session or two. You deserve to feel supported by someone with relevant experience and an affirming perspective—especially if you're exploring your identity, neurodivergence, trauma, or complex life stuff that requires nuance. 

Is This an Ongoing Problem?

Even therapists with years of experience can mess up. Maybe they interrupted you too many times. Maybe they misunderstood something important, minimized your experiences, made assumptions about your gender, ignored your culture, or gave advice that felt judgmental or out of touch. 

What matters most isn’t perfection—it’s repair.

Ask yourself:

• Is this a pattern or a one-time mistake?

• Have I brought it up—and if so, how did they respond?

• Do I feel heard when I give them feedback? Or shut down?

• Do they show curiosity and openness to learning—especially about things like neurodivergence, disability, race, gender, or queerness?

A Note on Competence and Identity

If you’re queer, starting to suspect you might be neurodivergent, or have specific cultural experiences—and your therapist doesn’t seem to get it—it might be time to name it.

You might try something like:

“I’ve been exploring neurodivergence and wondering if some of my experiences might reflect Autism or ADHD. Is this something you’re familiar with?”

A good therapist doesn’t need to be an expert in everything, but they do need to know when they’re out of their depth. It’s not your responsibility to educate your therapist about neurodivergence, or to feel like they’re constantly asking you to explain fundamentals. A good therapist will be willing to seek consultation, develop their own skills and understanding, or help you find someone better suited to support you

Therapists Are People—And That’s Messy

Your therapist will absolutely get things wrong sometimes. The best ones can name it, apologize, and stay in connection with you as you work through it together. That’s not just good therapy—it’s part of the repair process.

But if your therapist gets defensive, dismisses your pain, blames you for your reaction, or continues working with you without adjusting their approach? That’s a red flag.

You Can Talk About the Therapeutic Relationship in the Relationship

In therapy, it’s not only okay to talk about the therapeutic relationship—it’s encouraged. Bringing up what’s not working can actually deepen the work you’re doing together, if your therapist is open to it.

Try:

• “Can I bring something up that’s been bothering me about our work together?”

• “I’ve noticed I’m feeling less safe opening up lately, and I’m not sure if we’re still aligned.”

• “I’m wondering if this is still the right fit.”

A good therapist will slow down and listen. They might help you unpack what’s happening and explore ways to repair the therapeutic relationship—or help you find someone else who’s a better match for your current needs.

When Therapy is Harmful

Sometimes it’s not a mismatch or a misstep. Sometimes a therapist causes real harm—and refuses to take accountability. 

In those cases, you don’t just have the option to leave. You have recourse.

Unlike coaches, therapists are licensed professionals. That means they’re regulated by state boards and legally obligated to practice ethically. If a therapist is harmful, unprofessional, or discriminatory—and they’re not willing to address it—you can file a complaint with their licensing board.

It won’t erase the harm, but it does help protect others—and can remind you that accountability matters and that you deserve support that is affirming, not harmful.

Therapy Should Feel Like a Safe Enough Space

Not always safe. Not always easy. But safe enough to be honest, seen, and supported. You’re allowed to outgrow your therapist. You’re allowed to ask for more. You’re allowed to leave.

Ending for good reason, whether a natural progression or to respect a boundary, is, in and of itself, healing. The right therapist wants that for you.